Plus-One

This last Sunday I was the plus-one
So self-conscious I was half only 
Sam was there too although minus four
Saw him tear up back there on his phone
Phil was there plus two little ones
Who added up to pure shrieking fun
Tim was plus-one too but a new one
She used to be my one and only
Tanya a plus-one but all alone
Her partner as always a no-show
Chantelle for a change without her wine
Since her plus-one was zero point one
Zoe with another handsome one
Rated him of ten a twenty-one
The night was long and the maths confused
Ate and drank so much I left plus few
Yet I felt like a big fat zero
At home crying hard in the mirror
But next time there I'll try something new:
I'll count only me and only you